Growing up, I wasn’t raised in any type of Christian home. I never went to church, and though I believed God existed somewhere, I believed that my life was good enough and that I didn’t have time for God and that He didn’t have time for me. I hated talking to people about God or religion in general, and sometimes found it easier just to say I was atheist. This attitude persisted until college, but I spent a lot of time searching for satisfaction. I would engross myself in a task, a hobby, a person, whatever I could find. As I got older, this continued into trying drugs, anything to find that place I fit in, to find true acceptance.
Things changed though, and I warmed up to the idea of going to church. After going for a few months to a local church, I decided to follow the regular “procession” and get baptized, to publicly announce my newfound relationship with God. But I wouldn’t truly be saved until after my baptism. I was going through a pretty rough patch, and the voice of suicide spoke loud. I was sitting in my car with my rifle, bawling my eyes out. I was battling, but was losing fast. And with a last ditch effort, I truly cried out to God. All went quiet. A peace came over, like the comforting embrace of a father’s hug. And a quiet, “Don’t, I love you.” I got saved that day.
It would be another year of ups and downs before I truly repented and truly dedicated my life to God. At the point I made that decision, I committed myself fully: finances, marriage, time, all. I had seen God work miracles in the job realm in my life, and I decided enough was enough. I found less satisfaction in the emptiness and vanity around me. I was sick of the frustration of not having a purpose in my life.
I asked God for restoration. For things I wasn’t even sure Christians should ask. My virginity, my heart, and my life. And He delivered. I began to trust God for all, and was not let down in any instance. He gave revelation to who my future wife is, to a new job, to wisdom, and to who I am. My life changed drastically, and 20+ years of not knowing God was quickly turned around as I learned (and continue to learn) to root myself in righteousness.
My life is a testimony of God’s faithfulness, love, and goodness. If not for these, I would not be here today. If any of this sounds like your life. Or maybe you are reading this and questioning things with God, your place in Heaven, or whatever the case, don’t hesitate to reach out. God loves you more than you can imagine, and I hope you will give God a chance to prove it.
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